In spite of the fact that newlyweds and almost-weds get almost as much unsolicited advice as first time parents I feel compelled to add my own two cents, perhaps in part because my cousin Jake and his awesome girlfriend Molly are getting married in a couple of weeks.<\/p>\n
First things first- While some folks may point to my divorce as proof I shouldn’t offer any advise on this topic, I believe the exact opposite to be true. \u00a0the lessons I learned during that relationship have made me a much better spouse to my current husband and helped me grow as a person. \u00a0My ex and I are close friends and we have had candid conversations about why we are better off as friends than lovers, and about the mistakes we made while we were together.<\/p>\n
Yes, I am aware I have talked about some of these points in previous posts, but they bear repeating. \u00a0So, without further ado:<\/p>\n
#1 Getting married isn’t going to change your partner. \u00a0Your relationship will change, but they are still the same person they were before you wed. \u00a0Getting married isn’t going to magically make someone stop cheating, being abusive, being a slob, having a drinking problem, being bad with money, nagging, etc. (NOTE- I am NOT stating that any of these specific items were issues for me and my ex. \u00a0I’m just listing common ones). \u00a0You are marrying them as they are, and if you don’t can’t accept that idea don’t get married.<\/p>\n
#2 Go to bed angry. \u00a0 I cannot stress this one enough! \u00a0Being tired and angry isn’t the proper mindset to solve anything. \u00a0Sleeping on it will give you new perspective it’s amazing how often sunlight makes last night’s huge disagreements seem small. \u00a0Also, as my very wise husband says “I never have to apologize for the things I didn’t say”.<\/p>\n
#3 Give your partner space- lots of it. \u00a0If you two do everything together what the hell do you have to talk about? \u00a0 Sure, you enjoy being together- that’s why you got married- but it’s healthy to have separate friends and interests. \u00a0You are married- not conjoined twins.<\/p>\n
#4 Talk about how your money will be handled before you get married. i.e. how much can one person spend without talking to the other first, how much should we be putting into savings each month, do we get a joint account or keep our money separate , etc. \u00a0 \u00a0Not a fun or sexy topic, but it’s the number one cause of marital strife so you better be on the same page.<\/p>\n
#5 Don’t let anyone tell you your wedding day will be the happiest day of your life. This is terrible advise for two reasons. First, weddings are stressful. \u00a0Something will go wrong. \u00a0But it will be OK as long as you let it. \u00a0Second, the wedding is not the marriage. \u00a0The wedding isn’t the pinnacle of your relationship but just the beginning. \u00a0Thinking too much about the wedding and not enough about the marriage is a recipe for disaster.<\/p>\n
So, go forth and be happily married forever! \u00a0Especially you Jake and Molly!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In spite of the fact that newlyweds and almost-weds get almost as much unsolicited advice as first time parents I feel compelled to add my own two cents, perhaps in part because my cousin Jake and his awesome girlfriend Molly are getting married in a couple of weeks. First things first- While some folks may point to my divorce as… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1397,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[24,27,26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1390","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice","category-its-all-love","category-warm-fuzzies"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t