This past weekend I spent time with a good friend who has recently gone through a divorce. While her circumstances were very different, I went through one myself in 2002 and, to put it mildly, it sucks. However, it also gives you a lot of opportunity for introspection. I have previously written about relationship myths that we all need stop believing, and all those are still true. You can read them here: http://beckypalmer.thecomputerguy.bz/2017/08/rules-of-engagement-and-marriage
Today I’m adding three more to the list.
#1 “We need to live together for at least a couple of years to see if we’re compatible before we talk about marriage”. Logically, this should be true. However, 20+ years of data don’t lie and study after study shows that couples who live together for extended periods of time before marriage have a divorce rate two and a half times higher than couples who don’t. I don’t know all the ins and outs why, but I just know it’s true.
#2 “Once a cheater, always a cheater”. I have been on both sides of this one, so I can tell you with absolute certainty this is simply not true. Cheating is a symptom, not a disease. Sometimes the root cause is that one of the parties is a selfish jerk, but usually there is a lot more to it than that. If both parties are willing to work hard to figure out the root cause and are 100% committed to fixing it. However, this isn’t always possible. Which leads me to…….
#3 A divorce is always a tragedy. I wish I could find where I read this to give credit, but I read somewhere “Good marriages don’t end in divorce, only bad ones do”. Yes, it’s always sad when a marriage ends. And I’m certainly not suggesting throwing in the towel without a fight. But if one party isn’t willing or able to put in the work to maintain and/ or improve the relationship there is only so much the other party can do.
What else do you think should be added to the list? Let me know your thoughts!