No Ranching Zone

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There is a disturbing trend going on that needs to be stopped.  Good food everywhere is being ruined by the presence of one goopy, unpleasant addition.

I’m talking about ranch dressing.  It’s bad enough that people put that awful substance on actual salads, but in recent times it’s been spotted all over the food spectrum.

I have no idea why anyone likes it.  It tastes like salt and spoiled milk. It looks like what men contribute to the creation of life.  It has more calories than almost any other salad dressing.  There is no reason for it to exist.

Yet it’s everywhere. Otherwise smart humans are putting ranch dressing on pizza.  On tacos.  On chicken wings.  On chicken tenders.  On french fries.  On hamburgers.  I’ve ever heard of people putting this awful goo on spaghetti!

This must be stopped.  Children are growing up thinking it’s OK to make their food look like a man pleasured himself on it.  I cannot stand for this.

Please won’t you help me spread the word to get this God awful substance away from our impressionable youth?

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