I have been a very vocal advocate of the child free life. My husband and I have been married for 16 years and we knew going in we were not going to have human children (we have cats).
I’m brining it up again not to beat that drum again, but rather to bring up another gripe of mine. The expectation – and sometimes flat out demand- by parents of adult children for grandchildren.
Simply put, no one owes you grandchildren. Period. End of story.
There is nothing wrong with wanting grandchildren. There is nothing wrong with expressing that desire to your kids. There IS something wrong with putting any amount of pressure on your kids to procreate for any reason, let alone for one that doesn’t really involve them at all.
Thankfully, this isn’t something that as impacted me personally. My parents understand that whether or not to have children is a very personal decision, and not one that requires any input from the peanut gallery. Most, if not all, of my parents’ friends became grandparents before them. They were asked from time to time if they wanted grandchildren, and their answer was always the same; “Yes of course, but it’s not our decision”. They do have 2 grandchildren now, and they seem quite fond of them. But It was on my sister’s timetable, not theirs. As it should be.
Years ago I worked with a woman who had just gotten married a few months earlier, and she was almost at the point of cutting off communication with her mother. Why? Because every time they spoke all she wanted to talk about was when she would have grandchildren. This couple did plan on having kids eventually, but the constant demanding of them was so off-putting they were seriously reconsidering. It was insane. I admit, most parents aren’t usually THAT demanding, but that’s not the point.
Reproductive rights are a hot topic right now. I’ve steered clear because I want to get my thoughts exactly right before I publish them. But on a micro level, pushing your own children to have babies just because YOU want them is selfish. There is no other way to describe it. So knock it off.