Have you ever been out to eat or anywhere else in a public setting and saw a couple sitting silently, both using their phones? I’m sure you have, and you probably felt sorry for them and assumed their relationship was in trouble. That is certainly possible, but it’s also possible that their relationship is rock solid.
My husband and I recently went to Ames (about an hour from our home) for a couple things. We didn’t speak for most of the car ride down or back. Sometimes we have super deep conversations in the car (which I talk about more here https://beckypalmer.me/?p=4766 ) and I love it when that happens. But I also appreciate the times like today when we are comfortable around each other without filling every second with noise.
I am confident that one of the signs of a solid relationship is that you are comfortable in silence. This doesn’t just apply to marriages- it’s true for any close relationship. I knew a woman who went on a week long Alaskan cruise with her sister. They spent hours together in their cabin reading. I’m sure they had plenty of conversations and laughs along the way, but they knew they didn’t have to be talking to each other every minute of every day.
I remember my folks holding hands and not saying anything for ages when we were going on road trips when I was a kid. At the time I didn’t think much of it, but now I know I’m damn lucky to have parents with as strong of a marriage as they have.
So don’t get too worried when you see that couple eating silently. They might not be fighting or on the verge of a breakup. They might have the most solid relationship in the building.