Valentine’s Day was last weekend, which means lots of engagements happened. Which is wonderful! I love love and I love marriage.
What I don’t love are weddings. People are going thousands of dollars into debt for one day. Not a great way to start out your life together.
Because I have addressed the MANY times before I’m going to keep it short and sweet this year.
#1 Don’t get married until you are at least 25 years old. Many studies have shown that the frontal lobe of your brain doesn’t fully mature until you are 25. Multiple studies have also shown that getting married in your early 20s (of even younger) quadruples your chances of getting divorced.
Sure your grandparents got married at 18 and 19 and it worked out. But did it? The world was VERY different back then in many ways- including it being exceptionally difficult to leave a bad marriage. Spousal abuse – including marital rape- was not only legal but encouraged in some circles. Many churches, family and friends would shun people who managed to get divorced even for infidelity or a “good” reason. So people stayed.
#2 Make sure you have had ALL the scary conversations before you get married. 2 weeks before the wedding is NOT the time to find out that your soon to be spouse isn’t sure they want to have kids when you’ve known you’ve wanted them since you were 4 years old (this is a true story that a former coworker went through). Your honeymoon isn’t the time to discover your new spouse is $75K in debt. Wedding planning isn’t the time to find out that you have wildly different religious views. If you don’t feel comfortable discussing these things, you have no business getting married. Full stop.
#3 Go to bed angry. NOTHING good comes of staying up until the wee hours of the morning yelling at each other. My husband once said “I never have to apologize for the things I didn’t say”. There is so much truth in this. 9 times out of 10 whatever you were arguing about won’t even be a question then next day. And if it is, you will be in a much better place to calmly come to the correct plan of action.
There are a lot of other things I could say but I’ve said them all before. Just use the search tool to find them all. In case you don’t know this, I was 22 the first time I got married and he was 21. We were stupid kids who had no business making that kind of decision. We are great friends now but understand we are better as friends than as lovers. I was 34 the second time I got married. I was a mature adult (mostly- ha). I cannot begin to explain how much better it’s been from day one.
So yes, I love love and I love marriage. And congrats to all the newly engaged folks out there!