It’s wedding season again!
Along with weddings come all the stories of how much they cost. But Aunt Becky is here to tell you a secret: Only expensive weddings are expensive.
Go back and read that again. Maybe read it a couple times if you don’t believe it at first.
I was recently at a beautiful wedding. The bride wore a custom made dress. Dinner was a full buffet. There was a second dessert buffet later in the evening. The venue was an amazing refurbished warehouse. There was live music by a well known local band. Sounds super expensive, right?
The bride’s dress was made a talented person she found on Etsy. The groom’s band provided the music. Most of the (very delicious) desserts were purchased from a well known discount club, and a family friend made the rest. The wedding was on a Sunday night. And it was lovely and heartfelt and personal to the couple. It was their perfect wedding, and they didn’t have to sell a kidney to have it.
I truly believe that everyone should just elope, but I know that’s an unpopular opinion. So today I’m here to preach that there ARE options in between that and a royal wedding.
The wedding industry has done an amazing job of convincing women and girls that you need to invite everyone you’ve ever met and that you need all the bells and whistles THEY want to sell you in order to have your “perfect day”. You don’t.
Your wedding should be about you and your partner committing your lives to each other, not impressing your or your parents’ friends with the event you can put on. And CERTAINLY not about “the aesthetics” or “looking good for the pictures”.
If you feel strongly that you want a pastor/ rabbi/ priest to marry you that doesn’t mean you need to pack their place of worship with people. I know quite a few people who had lovely, small, intimate services in churches. Most clergy are also happy to perform ceremonies in other locations of your choosing.
If you feel strongly that you want a big white ballroom gown for your wedding dress, great. But if that’s not you, that’s great too. I know a woman who changed dresses at her reception because “well meaning” relatives told her what she wanted to wear- a lovely white lace jacket dress- wasn’t suitable for the ceremony. And while we’re on the topic, a white wedding dress has nothing do to with purity- it only became fashionable in the 19th Century after Queen Victoria chose a white dress to marry Prince Albert. Before that bright colors were fashionable with the well to do crowd because brightly colored fabrics were the most expensive. Red is the traditional color for wedding dresses in many Asian cultures because it’s supposed to bring good luck!
“But what if my parents are paying for the wedding?” you might ask. I ask the question- why are they paying for it in the first place? If they are providing money for the wedding as their gift to you, that’s one thing. If they are doing it because you can’t afford to have the wedding you think you need or deserve to have without them? It’s unlikely your emotional and financial maturity levels are such that you should be getting married in the first place. I say that from personal experience.
And another thing- never, ever let anyone convince you that your wedding day is going to be or SHOULD be the happiest day of your life. Your wedding day is the start of your journey with your partner, your lover, your best friend. It should only go up from there, not down.
I say that from personal experience too.