“Marriage is hard”
“Marriage is a lot of work”
“Marriage is useless in a modern society”
I’ve heard all of these things lately. Mostly from married people. And I disagree with all of them.
You might be expecting me to agree that marriage is difficult given that my first marriage did not last. There are a lot of reasons why my first marriage didn’t work out. One of the biggest is that we were two immature kids who had no business entering into a lifetime commitment. We’ve both come to realize that, and we are very good friends today.
I truly believe that the minimum age for marriage should be 25. I didn’t just pull this number out of my ass. Think about all the stupid things you did when you were in your early 20s. Now imagine one of those stupid things traps you for the rest of your life. Your brain’s frontal cortex- your decision making center- doesn’t mature until around age 25. Statistically, getting married in your early 20s more than triples your odds of getting divorced. It’s just a bad idea to get hitched at 21 all the way around.
I truly believe that the massive wedding industry is a determent for long term marriage success. Multiple studies have shown that the more spent on the wedding (including the engagement ring) the higher the risk of divorce. Young people (especially women) are bombarded with images of Instagram perfect wedding days from a very young age and they think they need all of those trappings that only last a few hours. Plenty of women/ couples get wrapped up in the wedding and completely lose sight of the actual commitment they are making to each other. We’ve all been to a gorgeous wedding for a couple that didn’t last 3 years. It’s sad and a huge waste of time and money.
I truly believe that if you both come into the marriage with the maturity and stability and shared goals for the future it shouldn’t be hard to make it work. This means having some serious talks about things like your values, world views, and goals. Conversations about finances, children, political beliefs, religious beliefs, retirement plans, your sex life etc. all need to take place well before you walk down the aisle. Of course your views on certain things will change with age, but if you don’t even start off on the same page you’ve made it infinitely more difficult to grow and change together instead of apart.
I truly believe that yes, even in today’s society marriage has a place. There are tax and other financial benefits. It gives you the final say in your partner’s medical decisions. It simplifies many aspects of parenting. It simplifies estate planning. Every study on the topic shows that married people live longer and are happier than people who aren’t. And most importantly, it is a way of formalizing and announcing your commitment to each other. You are declaring that no matter what the world throws at you, you are going to conquer it as a united front.
I’m not saying that marriage is a walk in the park every single day. I’m not saying that marriage is for everyone. But I’m saying that it’s valuable and it’s still relevant and it’s still worth it if you do it right.