Independently……. Married?

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Something I’ve heard from several women lately is that they are “too independent to be married”.  Now, most of the women saying this to be are recently divorced or in the midst of divorce, so it certainly makes sense that marriage isn’t high on their list of favorite things right now.

However, I 1000% wholeheartedly reject the underlining premise, which is that a woman who considers herself independent is incapable of being in a healthy marriage.  I use myself as Exhibit A.

As I’ve stated many times before, my husband and I are not joined at the hip.  We have activities and hobbies we enjoy as a couple and of course we do enjoy each other’s company, but we don’t have the same tastes in music or movies.  We will go to movies or concerts with others who like what we like, or sometimes even- gasp- alone!  Yes, this may be a news flash to some of you, but it is possible to enjoy a show all by yourself, even if you have a spouse.  And quite frankly, if you have a spouse who won’t “let you” go to any event without him or her (or if YOU are that spouse), I submit that it not a very healthy marriage.  It would appear there are some trust and/ or control issues there that you need to take a good hard look at.

So, to my single (or soon to be single) ladies I say “Go forth and be your fabulous, independent selves!  Go to that movie!  Go to that workshop!  Take that great job in another town!”

And I’ll also say “It’s OK to love again when the time is right.  But don’t let anyone take your  freedom away.  If he won’t let you be you, walk away and find someone who will love for YOUR for independent spirit.  Those guys are out there.  I know because I’ve been married to one for almost 12 years now and it’s amazing”.

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